Life’s A Rollercoaster

I’m going to start off with one very positive note and then the rest is just pretty much crap. It’s been one of those kind of weeks!

I’m finally losing some weight!! I’m now down to 155lbs from 168lbs. It feels so good. I put on my favorite pair of black pants this morning and I could button all buttons! Yeah that’s right I still wore them and just didn’t button them all the way!  It feels so nice! I really only have about 10lbs to go. Hopefully that will happen by the end of the summer!

Now for the crap which just seems to keep piling-up. I’m having one of those weeks where everything is hitting the fan. Work got on my last nerve. I get so tired of not getting included or acknowledge there. I work on all their internal websites and whenever I need support or help from anyone it is pushed to the back burner since it’s not a client facing project. It makes me feel like my work is not important and I see that time and time and time again. Especially when we have our company meetings and every department/project is spoke about. In the six months of being here I have only got one mention. Why is this? Even the creative manager who is my manger acknowledges the others in his department and their projects but mum is the word about Jenny. I really enjoy working and achieving and making a difference but doesn’t seem like I’m doing that here. Will it get better? Can I make it better? Do I find something different? So hard to know how to make this element of my life better. I go to work 5 days a week and I’m in the office for almost 9 hours a day. I really need to be happy there, right? Any Advise? Maybe if I keep a daily log then I’ll truly know…yep that’s what I’m going to do. I’ll track how this place makes me feel for a month and make an informed decision.

As if being unhappy at my job isn’t enough but I’m really unhappy about my family. My family is such a huge part of my life and most of the time they make me really happy but over the past year it has been a struggle. Did I think things were so great between my family because I lived in Denver and only saw them on the weekends? I thought moving closer would only make it better. I guess too much of a good thing isn’t a good thing anymore?

I really feel like if you care too much and invest too much in people/work then in the end you are the one going to be hurt. If I create some distance and care a little less my feelings will not be so easily hurt. Sad but true. People will always disappoint you. And I’m tired of being disappointed…it hurts. Let’s see if I can be aloof.

Bicyclist vs. Runner – Runner 1, Bicyclist Very Bruised

I work in downtown Denver and I hate paying for parking! To eliminate this extra cost of at least $6.00 a day, I park by some apartments right off the interstate. It’s a really nice little ride into work and wakes me up in the morning. I have the same ride back to my car in the afternoon. I got on my bike as I normally do and I’m about to take off when I see one of my co-workers. She says to me, “You can ride in those?” She is referring to my shoes. Probably two or three days out of the week, I wear high heels and ride my bike. This is nothing new for me. I did this all the time when I lived and worked downtown. So I say back to her, “Yeah, I’m a high heel bike riding expert.” I chuckle a little and finish with, “Now watch I’ll probably fall off my bike.” We both chuckle some more and I take off on my bike. I’m listening to my music and just enjoying my ride back to my car. About half way to my car there is a “blind turn”. The people coming up the side walk can’t see the people coming down and around and vice versa. Being an “expert” at riding my bike I know this and always slow down quite a bit and make a wide turn. It just so happened that today was the day a running was coming up the same time I was heading down. Neither of us really saw each other in time and ran right into one another. Thinking I’m the bicyclist and really have the upper hand in this collision; I’m not too worried at first. A second later, I’m flying over my handle bars and landing on the concrete sidewalk. I’m not 100% certain but I think he grabbed onto my handle bars to avoid getting ran over which stopped my bike instantly and I just kept going. Myself, my bag, high heel shoes and water bottle went flying . Oh this was so embarrassing!! Cars driving by are watching, people walking by are watching and I just could disappear fast enough. The runner was so nice. We both apologized several times; he helped me up, assessed the damage and then asked me out for tacos!! Haha!! I politely declined and road off after putting my shoes back on and readjusting my other belongings. My right leg is pretty bruised up but besides that my pride is the only thing really damaged. Guess I’m not a high heel bike riding expert.

Weekend Recap

Busy, Busy, Busy! It was such a crazy busy weekend but so much fun! Paul and I started off our weekend having dinner at one of my co-worker’s house. Yeah that’s right I’m making friends at work…well one friend! :) Sam is the VP of Location 3 but I’m not under her management so that means we can hang out! She is married to Charles and they have a son named William he is 1 ½ and a Charles has another son name Joshua who is 13. They really spoiled us with yummy Chinese food and lots of delicious wines and other beverages. We also got to hang out around their fire pit, which makes me want to finish mine so much more…almost there! It was great fun getting to make new friends!

Saturday was a huge work day! Paul and I started off the morning with Dad at Rosters seeing if they had any good deals at their auction…I didn’t see anything I couldn’t live without. Then we scurried over to my house to finish what Dad and Tommy started Friday. They got so much stuff done in my yard. I have the very best Dad and little brother. I don’t know what I would do without them. I surely wouldn’t have a yard. So we had to fix the privacy fence a little bit, finish making the fire pit and rock garden borders and smooth everything out. Doesn’t seem like much but with the heat (think it was like 90 degrees) it was so so so much work. We also moved 4 pick-up loads of rock from Kevin’s house to my house. Thanks for the rock Kevin!!! You rock! Paul made a really cool rock garden border for me with it. As if this wasn’t enough to do on Saturday we went over to Mike and Missy’s house for dinner. Yeah that’s right, two dinners in one weekend. We are really spoiled! Missy made the most delicious dinner. We had cheese fondue with bread and apples, salad and beef broth fondue with steak and shrimp. Best dinner ever!! And Missy got me strawberry white zinfandel. See, I’m totally spoiled. Then we played some Wii and Missy kicked our butts in bowling and I did kick some butt at Mario Cart! So much fun!

Sunday morning Paul and I went to church in Roggen and got some yummy free bread after church! :) Then we finished up some more work in the yard. Paul finished up placing the rocks for the rock garden and I planted my veggie garden. Then we had to hurry up and leave for our BBQ in Littleton, which we were late for. We met up with several of Paul’s friends at this BBQ and enjoyed some drinks and lots of great BBQ food. Then around 2:00 I just got so pooped from all the weekend craziness. I took a nice long nap and Paul and I finished up the weekend with a bike ride with Orien (Paul’s Dog). Yup Orien comes with us…Paul puts in on a least and off we go…he mostly just pulls Paul. Haha!

Well that was our busy, busy, busy weekend…lots of fun and a great way to kick off the summer. Not to mention Paul and I both got sun burns this weekend and we are feeling the pain today!

It Might Be Mono

I'm not a doctor, obviously, but I think I have Mono (Monoucleosis)! I first got sick April 28th and I still have symptoms today. That is literally three weeks of being sick. When I looked up my symptoms (swollen lymph nodes in the neck and sore throat) it lead me to Mono. I have almost all of the symptoms!! I haven’t really been feeling drowsy but that’s because I have been taking energy pills in the morning since I haven’t been able to really wake up in the morning, so I guess I would have that symptom too. I had a fever the first two weeks. I didn’t eat anything the first week. And my neck is so stiff I can hardly move it but I think that’s because of my massively swollen lymph nodes that hurt so so so so bad! I got a rash on my legs this week but that might be razor burn. I’m not sure if my spleen is swollen but when I looked up swollen spleen it said a swollen spleen can cause abdominal or back pain in the area of the spleen and it can spread to the left shoulder…totally have that! My left shoulder is killing me and my gut has hurt since week one and my back hurt only for week one. So I have self diagnosed myself with Mono because it just seems to fit! There really isn’t a treatment for Mono except plenty of fluids, rest gargling warm salt water and taking ibuprofen for the pain. It (the web) said the fever usually last for 10 days, swollen lymph nodes and spleen 4 weeks and fatigue for a few weeks or could linger for 2 to 3 months!!!! So if my diagnosis is correct the prognosis says I have about another week of feeling like crap! Great! Here is where I got all my info https://health.google.com/health/ref/Mononucleosis (love Google they have all the info) and http://www.merck.com/mmhe/sec14/ch179/ch179b.html. I really hate being sick!

Creative Department

Last week May 11, 2010 I was included in the creative department at work. I was very excited!! Before that I was in no department...hanging out by myself. Today as I was heading to use the restroom, I met the Creative Department at the door coming back from coffee and their morning huddle...neither of which I was included in on. Did they just put me under the creative department to make me feel like I belong some place in the company? Yeah that hurts! Oh well, not much i can do about it. Guess I just need to look on the positive side. I don't have someone hovering over me to get a whole bunch of work done. Who needs team work when you got yourself!?!? Still makes me sad! :(

~ My First Blog ~

Recently I have been reminiscing a lot. I keep thinking back to about two years ago. Life just seemed easier and more fun then. I really feel like my family is struggling right now and that's what keeps me reminiscing. Or maybe it’s me who is struggling with my family…either way it doesn’t feel good!

We have been going through some growing pains and pains they sure are!! We just aren’t as close and I think that’s mostly due to Ashleigh and my “break-up.” Yes, I’m calling it a break up now. I heard losing a best friend is like breaking up with a long term boyfriend. Which I totally agree! A best friend is a person you share everything with and why wouldn’t it be hard. In fact, before Paul, I think I was closer to Ashleigh then any of my boyfriends.

Anyway, because of our break-up, I feel like it has really torn our family a part. We never hang out like we used to and there is always that awkward feeling in the room. Usually when you break up with a person you don’t have to see them anymore…so not the case here!! All the hurt and pain is shoved in my face weekly! Most of the time, I don’t even think about it. Out of sight out of mind, you know? But every time I see Ashleigh having fun without me and doing the things we use to do together it kills me. I used to talk to this girl five times a day and now I don’t even get to hear about her life with my brother and new baby on the way. Part of me wants to hear about it while the other part wants to not care…it’s so painful! I really miss getting to hang out with my brother too. I used to look up to Andy so much and just want to do whatever he was doing. Now I don’t even get to see him. Our family used to hang out every Sunday, now I’m lucky if I see them all once a week. I know people grow up and get their own lives but it just sucks that we aren’t as close as we once were and I really think it has to do with the break-up.

So basically I have started this blog because I need a place to express my feelings and say how I’m feeling. I don’t have a bitch club to make me feel better so this is what I have, a place to say how I’m feeling even if it’s not heard. I'm tired of hiding my feelings and pretending everything is ok. I'm hurt and still hurting. I think I should be able to say that and my hope is the more I'm open about it the sooner the pain will just go away.

So that’s that…Jenny’s Thoughts! The true me, regardless of how you will see me after reading it. This is who I am and what I’m feeling. I’m not perfect and I’m ok with that…or I’m trying to be ok with that.

*Jennycakes*